God Vs. Science: What Christians Need to Know

I don’t feel like writing. Not at all.

Not yet.

Ok, it’s only 11:09, and that’s good, because I have a huge subject for you...

...wait for it...

God Vs. Science.

(Delighted shudder) I love this one.

This post isn’t going to be an apologetic. (Though I do have some thoughts on that we may see later) This post is for Christians; about how we should look at that subject, and if that very phrase (God Vs. Science) didn’t seem off to you, you’re looking at it wrong.

God is not at odds with science, and science does not disagree with God.

The idea that science can disprove the existence of a divine creator is absolutely absurd.

Science deals with observation. It knows what it sees, and as such, it can never prove that something DOESN’T exist; it is impossible to observe something not existing! I don’t think I can put it any simpler than that.

“But...but..W-What about evolution?”

(Sigh) Yes. What about it indeed.

Disagreeing with evolution has become quite unpopular lately. So taboo, that anyone who publicly comes out against it in any way is immediately met with ridicule and judgment. 

Just watch. If this blog ever develops a strong readership, someone WILL call me an idiot. It's only a matter of time. Why? Because anyone who would even question the validity of evolution HAS to be an idiot! Either that, or they're are lying.

Oh, yes! Evolution is evident, and undeniable. That is why we Christians need to accept evolution. It must have all happened between Genesis 1:1 and 1:2, or maybe they weren't 24 hour days. You know, 'cuz to God a thousand years is a day and stuff? Surely there's room for God and science! Right? 

Well, right. But there's certainly no room for that balderdash.

It saddens and angers me to see Christians cowering from science as if knowledge is the enemy, just as it does when I see people’s faith shaken by a religious fanatic waving an “evolution” flag.

Humanism is the religion. Evolution an excuse.

You see, atheism has been around for ages, because let’s face it: doing whatever we want sounds pretty awesome, but there was a problem: if God didn’t create the world and all of these creatures, where did they come from? Enter Charles Darwin.

Charlie spent some time down on the Galapagos Islands and noticed the effects of adaptation.

Now adaptation, that’s a real thing; it's been observed, and scientifically proven. Animals have a capability to adapt by passing on genetic changes through generations. Look at dog breeding.

But here's the twist: It's still a dog. Look back at that definition of evolution, at the second one; the one Darwin had in his dictionary, the one he decided to name his theory for.

A more complex form.

Whoah, whoah! Hold on, Chuck! Where does that even come from? How was that one subspecies of Galapagos finch a more complex creature than the others? Doesn't having a beak more suited for one purpose make it less suited for another? That is not evolution, my friend. That is simply change.

Copy paste, copy paste. The same thing over and over. That's the story of evolution. You take an observation of fact and draw a conclusion right next to it. Make sure it's in the same font so no one will notice. Now it's all science. Woohoo!

Ever watched the Science Channel? Interesting how an "intellectual and practical study" can develop an opinion.

Truth is, no has ever observed true evolution in biology. That's why it's still a theory. Animals can adapt, sure. Even mutate. They just don't seem to get any ...better. Wonder why. Maybe they were made perfect in the first place?

And if someone starts harping about the fossil record, or carbon dating, just ask them about the whale that stood on its nose for thousands of years, or why an all-powerful God can't make rocks with as much carbon 14 as he wants.

There is no proof; there can't be. They weren't there.

I could dedicate an entire series of posts to reasons why I don't think evolution makes sense as a theory; why it disagrees with science. I probably will. But today, that's not the point. This is all you need:

"In the beginning, God created the heavens and the earth"

...And don't ever let anyone convince you that it's not.

Don’t let them tell you that believing in God is ignorance. You don’t believe in God because you’ve observed him, and you’re not going to stop because no one has. If you don’t know anything about science, know this: it can neither validate or refute your faith in any way. That isn’t how it works. 

You shouldn't try to make the Bible agree with the Science Channel, but I don't think you'll have trouble finding where it agrees with science.

Why are girls stupid?

Ok, my day didn’t go exactly as I planned...at all, so here I am, at 12:40 am, and I’m starting my blog post.

I have to write one, but the problem is that no matter what I end up with, it will be rushed. There’s nothing I can do about that.

I apologize. I really wanted to write something amazing for you this week, but I’m just too tired.

...Or maybe just tired enough...

No, that’s stupid.

Well, there’s no rule that says I can’t write more than one a week, so maybe I’ll write one of those brilliant ideas I never got around to actually formulating sometime in the next couple of days. There is a rule, however, that says I have to post every Thursday morning, so here goes...

(Because if God has to follow his own rules, so do I. That’s why.)

(Clears throat)

Why are girls so stupid? Seriously!

No, no, calm down. Hear me out, THEN hate me. I skipped the disclaimer because I thought you could be mature about this.

Don’t look at me like that.

Fine. Here it is: I don’t think girls are any more stupid than boys. For every baffling trait common to females there is an equally absurd quality present in males. We don’t see them because...well, guys are stupid. Happy now?

Oh, and about this whole gender equality thing...

I get that there has been inequality. I do, but really, I’ve heard enough.

Really.

Stop.

It does no good to take away one double standard, and replace it with another.

I mean, come. ON. When will you be finished with your revenge?

Yes, women are not inferior to men. We know. You told us. But get this:

MEN ARE NOT INFERIOR TO WOMEN!

Why do I have to let you call me an idiot because women once weren’t allowed an education? Why do I have to let you call me a baby because women were only permitted certain jobs?

Why do I have to let you compare me to an animal because your ex-boyfriend is a douchebag?

I don’t.

Know why? Because I’m S-I-N-G-L-E. WHUA! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA....(Laughter turns to sobbing.)

Anyway...

Men are not pigs. Don’t tell me that men are pigs. Men can compose beautiful sonatas, design fantastic structures, master the nuances of humor, persevere in adversity, and love unselfishly, and yes, so can women, but I think it’s time someone remembered what a wonderful thing it is to be a man.

Maybe if he did, he’d remember how to be one.

Maybe you could remind him instead of calling him an animal.

...Ok, now I’m really done.

Men aren’t pigs, but sometimes they act like they are.

Let’s face it: some guys are (impolite word), and they’re not even subtle about it. We all know ‘em.

Here’s what gets me: Logic would dictate that if someone was very obviously unfit for a relationship, it would be impossible, or extremely difficult for them to enter one. Right? I mean, it makes sense. But....

What the heck, girls!?!?

Not only are these slimeballs not shunned as they should be, they get WAY MORE attention from the fairer sex. (Superior? no. Fairer? Yup.)

This is not about me being jealous--not to say I haven’t been. And it’s only partially about the bad rap my gender gets from girls’ poor taste. I see this happen so much, it’s ridiculous, and sad.

Again. Why so dumb?

“He was so sweet when we first started talking.”

?!?!?

Oh, right. He couldn’t possibly be treating you nicely because he wants something from you. No, if someone says something nice, that means they’re are a good person.

Is that really how girls think?

What’s even more dumbfounding, is when they return to the same he-skank over, and over.

“He was like ‘I miss you’ and I couldn’t say no.”

…Facepalming as hard as I want to would result in an unsightly bruise.

I just don’t understand.

Ladies, let me tell you something. (I am somewhat of an expert on the male psyche, after all.) Guys are trained from a very young age not to show their feelings. When a guy is talking to a girl he finds attractive, he doesn’t say whatever pops into his head. He. Says. What. He. Thinks. Will. Work.

If you really want to know what kind of person he is, watch how he treats the people he doesn’t want anything from; his family, his dog, other guys...

It is easy to say “I love you” when you don’t mean it; don’t sell yourself for a few nice words.

Eh, but they won’t listen to my advice. I just don’t get how girls can be so trusting; so forgiving!

I don’t understand it!

...but thank God for it.

If every girl took my advice, and stopped trusting men--imperfect creatures that they are,

well,

those of us guys who aren’t quite perfect wouldn’t ever have a chance.

Thank God girls are stupid, ‘cuz guys...we’re not so bright.

It’s 3:43 am. I’m going to stop talking now.

The Legend of Skip Danger

I have a dog named Jessie.
Obviously, I didn't name her. If I had she would be named something else. Maybe 'Winifred'.
Anyway, several years ago, when Jessie was a much younger dog, we lived in a house with a backyard surrounded by a six foot privacy fence.
Every day in the afternoon, we'd hear Jessie barking, and look out through the glass door to see her bouncing up and down --fully clearing the fence-- furiously scolding the squirrels that would run along its length.
This happened for months, but then one day, we found a dead squirrel in the yard.
And it stopped.
It's possible that the other squirrels learned their lesson, and decided to steer clear of the dog, but I like to think that there was only one.
One dashing, fearless, squirrel that laughed when his family and friends warned him of the danger, and deliberately antagonized what he could only see as a monster just for fun.
This picture (the Errol Flynn of squirrels) was the inspiration for this poem.

Unfortunately, Blogger will not allow me to put the poem in a fancy font. Fiddlesticks.

Skip Danger

Of all the squirrels in Sturdy-Oak, across from Cedar-Tall,
There’s only one who bears the title “Bravest of Them All”.
Skip Danger’s what they call him, though it’s really not his name,
(Some say he’s really Mortimer, but that’s a wild claim.)

It is doubtful there was ever a more handsome squirrel than he;
His bushy tail is the bushiest you’ll likely ever see,
When he smiles, his incisor teeth make all the ladies swoon,
He receives a marriage offer every second afternoon.

If you ask him, he might tell you how he scared the cat away,
Or how he he took the birdseed from the “squirrel-proof” bird buffet,
But if you ask him nicely, six or seven times at least,
He may tell about the time he fought the Demon-Monster-Beast.

The D.M.B is feared for its huge teeth and barking sound;
It’s no wonder that they chained it to a stake stuck in the ground.
Cowardly squirrels stay far away; they call it common sense,
But the brave ones like to tease it from atop the neighbor’s fence.

From the Valiant Skip Danger, no one’s expecting any less,
Especially when there’s a lady squirrel he’s meaning to impress,
And so it happens, when he’d called the beast a very nasty name,
The animal grew weary of the daring rodent’s game.

The Beast, infuriated by Skip’s sharp-tongued abuse,
Came flying at our hero like a supersonic goose.
With a leap, he left the ground, and bounded off the doghouse roof,
He had Danger in his jaws before the squirrel could even move.

It seemed that this would be the end; a very tragic day,
From the monster’s slimy chops, surely no squirrel could get away,
But for all his strength, the creature couldn’t hold his iron grip,
With a jerk of its great head, the beast released a soggy Skip.

Skip gave a battle cry as he was flying through the air,
He landed, tumbling through the flowers like he didn’t have a care,
Then, grinning as he dashed around the corner to the right,
He dared the beast to follow, and they disappeared from sight.

Now, some accounts from witnesses portray a different theme,
They say Danger’s hearty cry was something closer to a scream,
Some even gave remarks about that mocking face he made;
It must have been the light that made them think he looked afraid.

It’s a shame those who were watching couldn’t see where they had gone,
(Though they surely saw the jerking on the stake the chain was on),
For it is there, Skip says, he dealt the beast blow after blow,
And thereby saved the ladies from a very violent show.

But at last the hero knew the time had come for a retreat;
It was clear the Demon-Monster-Beast would never know defeat,
So reluctantly, he disengaged from deadly combat lock,
And to let off extra steam, he ran completely round the block.

When at last they found brave Skip, relaxing underneath his bed,
Still shaking with excitement, (He’d come very close to dead),
It was said by a known skeptic, with unapologetic gall,
“Why, I doubt this little coward fought the Demon-Beast at all!”

At that, the stalwart marvel fumed! Though he was still quite sore,
If they would not believe him, he would fight the beast once more!
But as he drew nearer to his foe, he began to sneeze and sneeze,
How strange that he should then develop canine allergies!

Of all the squirrels in Sturdy-Oak, across from Cedar-Tall,
There’s one old squirrel who claims the title “Bravest of Them All”
If you ask him, he will tell you how he crossed the Highway-road,
Or how he saved a lovely maiden from a less-than-lovely toad.

He’ll maybe even tell you how he cheated certain doom,
When he escaped from Wrinkly-Woman with her Hit-squirrel-hurt-squirrel Broom,
But if you ask him nicely, six or seven times at least,
After sneezing, he will tell you of the Demon-Monster-Beast.

By Andrew Bagenstos. All rights reserved, yada yada. Don't steal my poem.

This is awkward...but I'm a sith.

“Anakin, my allegiance is to the republic; to democracy!”

“If you are not with me, then you are my enemy.”

“Only a Sith deals in absolutes. I will do what I must.”

“You will try.”

(Lightsaber sounds)

...Really, Obi-wan? ONLY a sith? Don’t you mean “usually only sith deal in absolutes” or “Sith generally deal in absolutes” or “you sound like a sith”? Maybe something that doesn’t sound so, um, absolute? *Gasp* Obi-Wan, are you a sith?

This certainly isn’t the best written scene from a Star Wars movie. (Or the best acted, or directed... unfortunately, it’s not the worst either.) But that scene, or rather that line (only a sith deals in absolutes) has always bothered me, and not because of its self-conflicting (or self-incriminating) nature.

For those of you extraterrestrials and cave dwellers who know nothing about Star Wars, The ‘sith’ are the bad guys. Pure evil. So in English: “Only an evil person deals in absolutes.”

What Obi-wan means, of course, its that no good comes from being narrow minded. Someone who views the world in black and white, leaving no room in their mind for an exception to his own belief is dangerous. It’s never so simple, and any mature person--any good person--knows that.

...And he’s absolutely wrong.

That’s right. Absolutely.

I’m a sith.

I hope we can still be friends.

What about right and wrong? What about truth?
Does believing in these things--believing them to be absolute--make me childish? Does it make me evil? No.
I believe in a God. One God. The ONLY God. A God only describable with absolutes. And I believe there’s only one way to him: Jesus. Does this make me dangerous?


Yup.

People like me--that is, people who believe something--are very dangerous to the comfy coexistence of politically correct society. We just can’t seem to stop disagreeing with each other. Then there’s the yelling and the screaming, and the burning things, and the violence...worst of all, we seem to like telling people they’re wrong. And c’mon, everyone hates that.


What to do?


Well, historically, killing us or locking us up hasn’t helped much. We’d just make more noise, and besides, a person can feel guilty for something like that. There’s a new approach for shutting up religious fanatics, and it’s the most effective one yet.

Just tell everyone that we’re stupid. Like it’s the most obvious thing in the world. Tell them we’re dangerous; heck. Tell them we’re evil! 
Create a new kind of “right”. One that prioritizes peace over truth. You’ll have nothing to live for, but at least you’ll be alive.

Before you know, it will be popular culture.


...Or you could chop our legs off, and throw us into lava. That works too.



Disclaimer: For the record, I’m a Star Wars fan, and I don’t think that George Lucas is part of a planned conspiracy to undermine religion. I also do not advocate violence, or affiliate myself with any sith practices or teachings.