Why are girls stupid?

Ok, my day didn’t go exactly as I planned...at all, so here I am, at 12:40 am, and I’m starting my blog post.

I have to write one, but the problem is that no matter what I end up with, it will be rushed. There’s nothing I can do about that.

I apologize. I really wanted to write something amazing for you this week, but I’m just too tired.

...Or maybe just tired enough...

No, that’s stupid.

Well, there’s no rule that says I can’t write more than one a week, so maybe I’ll write one of those brilliant ideas I never got around to actually formulating sometime in the next couple of days. There is a rule, however, that says I have to post every Thursday morning, so here goes...

(Because if God has to follow his own rules, so do I. That’s why.)

(Clears throat)

Why are girls so stupid? Seriously!

No, no, calm down. Hear me out, THEN hate me. I skipped the disclaimer because I thought you could be mature about this.

Don’t look at me like that.

Fine. Here it is: I don’t think girls are any more stupid than boys. For every baffling trait common to females there is an equally absurd quality present in males. We don’t see them because...well, guys are stupid. Happy now?

Oh, and about this whole gender equality thing...

I get that there has been inequality. I do, but really, I’ve heard enough.

Really.

Stop.

It does no good to take away one double standard, and replace it with another.

I mean, come. ON. When will you be finished with your revenge?

Yes, women are not inferior to men. We know. You told us. But get this:

MEN ARE NOT INFERIOR TO WOMEN!

Why do I have to let you call me an idiot because women once weren’t allowed an education? Why do I have to let you call me a baby because women were only permitted certain jobs?

Why do I have to let you compare me to an animal because your ex-boyfriend is a douchebag?

I don’t.

Know why? Because I’m S-I-N-G-L-E. WHUA! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA....(Laughter turns to sobbing.)

Anyway...

Men are not pigs. Don’t tell me that men are pigs. Men can compose beautiful sonatas, design fantastic structures, master the nuances of humor, persevere in adversity, and love unselfishly, and yes, so can women, but I think it’s time someone remembered what a wonderful thing it is to be a man.

Maybe if he did, he’d remember how to be one.

Maybe you could remind him instead of calling him an animal.

...Ok, now I’m really done.

Men aren’t pigs, but sometimes they act like they are.

Let’s face it: some guys are (impolite word), and they’re not even subtle about it. We all know ‘em.

Here’s what gets me: Logic would dictate that if someone was very obviously unfit for a relationship, it would be impossible, or extremely difficult for them to enter one. Right? I mean, it makes sense. But....

What the heck, girls!?!?

Not only are these slimeballs not shunned as they should be, they get WAY MORE attention from the fairer sex. (Superior? no. Fairer? Yup.)

This is not about me being jealous--not to say I haven’t been. And it’s only partially about the bad rap my gender gets from girls’ poor taste. I see this happen so much, it’s ridiculous, and sad.

Again. Why so dumb?

“He was so sweet when we first started talking.”

?!?!?

Oh, right. He couldn’t possibly be treating you nicely because he wants something from you. No, if someone says something nice, that means they’re are a good person.

Is that really how girls think?

What’s even more dumbfounding, is when they return to the same he-skank over, and over.

“He was like ‘I miss you’ and I couldn’t say no.”

…Facepalming as hard as I want to would result in an unsightly bruise.

I just don’t understand.

Ladies, let me tell you something. (I am somewhat of an expert on the male psyche, after all.) Guys are trained from a very young age not to show their feelings. When a guy is talking to a girl he finds attractive, he doesn’t say whatever pops into his head. He. Says. What. He. Thinks. Will. Work.

If you really want to know what kind of person he is, watch how he treats the people he doesn’t want anything from; his family, his dog, other guys...

It is easy to say “I love you” when you don’t mean it; don’t sell yourself for a few nice words.

Eh, but they won’t listen to my advice. I just don’t get how girls can be so trusting; so forgiving!

I don’t understand it!

...but thank God for it.

If every girl took my advice, and stopped trusting men--imperfect creatures that they are,

well,

those of us guys who aren’t quite perfect wouldn’t ever have a chance.

Thank God girls are stupid, ‘cuz guys...we’re not so bright.

It’s 3:43 am. I’m going to stop talking now.