Stupid Christians

Ok, so I didn’t post last week.

That happened. Sorry.

Please accept this little rant. I made it just for you. I’m hoping we can all get past this.

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Today, I’m going to talk about stupid Christians.

Ugh. Stupid Christians. Nothing causes my palm to pose so great a danger to my face.

Atheists? Nah.

Injustice? Not so much.

Disney channel programming? (With the obvious exception of Phineas and Ferb) Almost.

Blegch! They’re just so...they’re so stupid!

I’d say that in general, I am decently tolerant of idiots. I mean, they are kinda EVERYWHERE. (I’ve had frequent sightings of idiots operating motor vehicles, for example.) Sure, that annoys me a bit, but I’ve learned to live with it. I’ve worked in a restaurant for a year and a half, and even that hasn’t managed to destroy my faith in humanity. Even if, God forbid, I allow myself to read YouTube comments, I usually manage to avoid causing the damage to my head and desk that occurs when the two are brought together with force, as would be the temptation. I’ve come to accept that stupid people are a part of life. America is a free country, and if you want to use that freedom to say “no thanks” to things like common sense and discretion, go ahead. Stupidity, I suppose, is as much a right as a choice.

But when it comes to what is right and wrong, I draw the line.

A very thick line.

More like a border: with fences and attack dogs and machine guns and DON’T BE A STUPID CHRISTIAN!!

You are representing God! You just lost your right to be stupid!

I’m not talking about how you drive, or about arguing with your most excellent server about whether or not salad is free. (Don’t do that.) I’m talking about knowing what you believe, and knowing why, and having answers for the important questions on which you have NO EXCUSE to even hesitate. I’m talking about about not basing your entire religion on what other people are doing wrong. I’m talking about not completely ignoring the number one command given to you by the one you call your master.

I’m not yelling, I’m just adding emphasis. Leave me alone. Shh.

Why is it that the people who are the most wrong tend to be the loudest? Proverbs probably says something about that, but the fact is, here I am, quietly gritting my teeth, while fools misrepresent me and my God in protests.

“God hates fags.”

No. NO. NO!!! Shut up! I want to make you eat that sign! I...I wanna....I just.... GAAHHHH!!!

GOD.

LOVES.

PEOPLE!!!

You know absolutely nothing about God’s character, yet you attend to represent it on as large a stage as possible?!? How about I give you another sign, one of the Bill Engvall variety, and you can go home and write your autobiography. Call it “How to Make God Facepalm”. Just...shut up and go away.

Ok, fine. I’m yelling. I did actually warn you that this is the one thing that makes me the angriest.

Did you know that on average atheists’ I.Q. scores are 5.89 points higher than Christians?

Why do you think that is?

Is it because smart people are arrogant and the prideful are their own gods? Maybe.

Is it because “God chose the foolish things to confound the wise”? Probably.

Is it because Christianity as it is so commonly practiced and therefore observed actually doesn’t make any sense? I think so.

How many Christians would look at a sign that says “God is in Control”, and nod in agreement? And when an atheist stops to ask “Why then, is the world so messed up?” How many could answer? Not enough.

“There are some things we just don’t understand” or “The Lord works in mysterious ways” or “all thing work together for good” simply will not fly. Shut up.

If God were in complete control of everything that happens on this earth, would that not make everything that happens his will? Would that not make Him responsible that all the pain and suffering the world has ever seen? Who could love such a God?

It’s not complicated. The answers to these questions are available to everyone, and maybe if some of the loud ones would put down their signs and pick up their Bibles, evangelism would be more an answer, and less an argument.

The sad thing is, those idiots will always be around; Satan is not going to give up his greatest weapon. As long as he can twist scriptures and manipulate fears, there will always be someone willing to strap on a sword, paint a cross on their chest, and go “crusading”.

There will always be stupid Christians...

…but they don’t have to be the loudest.

I might just be angry enough. How about you?